3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
