I wanna passion pit in your ass
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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