I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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