I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
