Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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