You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
