I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
