It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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