How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He better not be in your backpack
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
