Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
