We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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