yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
