I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
