alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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