He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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