You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
