please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
