I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
