i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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