high people should be assigned attendants
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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