Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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