Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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