We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize