I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
