If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
