I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
