my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
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For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize