is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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