your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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