Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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