I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
