This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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