I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Small penises have feelings too.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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