no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is Oprah even human
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
