the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize