im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
