Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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