Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
