So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she woke up with a sticky ear
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
