What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
