Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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