Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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