Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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