I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
