Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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