She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
