I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
