listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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