We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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