hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
