cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.