Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?