Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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