the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
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I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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