perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
