I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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