Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
