I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This is the high leading the old right now
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
