I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
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Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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