Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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