Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize