peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
