brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
