I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
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John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
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Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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