you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
