i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
