her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
