In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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