Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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