Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
