Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
