Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
